Taking a break

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  • #86705
    Shinai
    Keymaster
    @dagger

    Northwatch,

    I have been adventuring with you for almost four years now and I feel I need to take a break. Last night was especially rough on me. I know most everyone there wouldn’t have had me executed, but having one of my wardens repeatedly yell that he wanted to kill me was unbelievably crushing, even if he said he would feel sad doing so. Also being told I am part of a problem of making decisions for Northwatch without the town’s input when I literally can only think of one time I have made a large decision on my own that could affect all, or even most, of Northwatch the entire time I’ve been adventuring, this decision being one I’m pretty sure someone else would have made almost as quickly if I hadn’t, really hurt and made me feel like people don’t actually notice what I do and how much effort I make to share information and help the town instead of just furthering my own goals or making my own choices. The only other decisions I have made on my own were literally ones I could not get the town’s input on, such as being in a ritual circle where we couldn’t interact with anyone inside the circle, let alone those outside and deciding to burn a large chunk of my essence instead of make the others in the circle carry the burden alone and/or unleash a magical horror on Northwatch.

    This being said, I probably should have waited for the six low level adventurers who had been teleported away to call for anyone opposed to the decision we made last night, and made sure absolutely everyone not magically away responded, but I was tired and bored, so yes, that was a foolish decision, but I still yelled for everyone’s input multiple times before taking action.

    Anyways, I have reached a level of exhaustion that could be considered dangerous with certain things going on with me, and I need a break, I need to take some time to focus on myself and not keep literally burning bits of myself for the town to try to help. I am tired of going with the town’s wishes, or the town magic leader’s wishes, even if I feel they are completely in the wrong only to be told I am part of a problem of making decisions on my own. I’m going away for at least a month, possibly longer, I’ll see how I feel when October has passed. If there is anything I am needed to feel free to send me a pigeon, I may respond. If there is an emergency I am needed for, send me a missive, I can recall to the tavern or teleport if given a thorough enough description of the destination.

    As I am writing this, I’m honestly even expecting to get attacked for deciding to take a break, something along the lines of being called selfish for abandoning Northwatch, that’s how beat up I’m feeling at the moment. I also will not be surprised if people go listing a bunch of decisions they think I made on my own, and accusing me of lying, I am curious to see what those are as I can’t think of them. Maybe I am just more selfish than I thought.

    On a business note, as it is the end of a quarter I will be writing up the Fall edition of the Golden Scroll, but if you want a copy you will need to write me a pigeon saying so and I will pigeon one to you and expect payment when I show back up. If there is a gathering in town with no adventures planned I may show briefly to drop off some consumables I need, but otherwise I will be avoiding Northwatch until I have had some time to recover.

    Sincerely,
    Zyra Goldenmane, Wizard’s Apprentice
    book

    #86706
    herogoeth
    Keymaster
    @herogoeth

    Zyra,

    Do you remember, a few years ago, when nearly the whole town screamed at that young adventurer for talking about getting magic items from party treasure so he could sell them? And then almost every person in town yelled and jumped down his throat?

    It happened because we were frustrated about the greed in our town. Unjustly, that kid paid the price for all the bottled up rage we felt.

    Last night, as you have said in your post, you made a mistake. Your choice, to drive on ahead after being specifically asked to include everyone in the decision, is a choice that has been made a lot in NorthWatch lately.

    Of all the times that I can think of that you have made this choice, I actually cannot think of a single time that I disagreed with the final result your underlying decision. You have a brilliant mind, you show great wisdom, and you do a great deal for the town.

    Even so, we absolutely must stop cutting people out of the choices that determine their own fate. And there must be consequences, paid in blood, for those who rob the others of their voices.

    I also made a mistake last night. More than one. The first mistake I made was when I asked you to wait and get a vote from everyone on whether or not to spoil the seeds of our new draconic alliance, I did not make it clear enough to you that it was a serious matter, one worth killing for. I failed to explain the stakes. And so I called for my own judgement, for my own execution if needed, as much if not more than I called for yours. I did so because my failure to communicate the seriousness of the issue almost certainly contributed to your violation. I did so because, even though I personally agree with your decision to sour our footing with The Brass Mind, there must be consequences paid in blood, my own included, when we violate or negate the communal will of our combined band of adventurers.

    I have given my Major Boon of The Perfect Gift to The Brass Mind in hopes of repairing the damage that was done to our relationship with him. I have no idea how to repair the damage I have done to my relationship with you. I am furious with you because I feel that you betrayed my request to protect the voices of those in our town who so often get trampled over or pushed aside. But in the end, I must admit that in fair truth what happened is that you stepped up to lead and help, as you so often do, taking yet another burden upon yourself, and I am angry because you didn’t do it exactly how I wanted it done. That is perhaps childish, ungrateful, and short sighted of me. So it would seem that I deserve judgement for that as well. I understand why you would be exhausted.

    The second mistake that I made was allowing the selfish pride and the unfathomable greed of Miles break a silent pact that we have all had since well before I came to NorthWatch. Last night we set out in search of a dragon statue, a relic which we would use to help us stop the Abyssal Dragon Vor’Shendu from burning our home to the ground. It has always been a hard rule in NorthWatch that the targeted relics which we hunt to achieve our group goals are sacrosanct. They do not, ever, end up getting tossed into the pile to be rolled on with the rest of the trinkets. We have never once let anyone weedle and squirm and greedily push to personally steal away our targeted objective like Miles did last night. But in my own exhaustion I let myself get manipulated because I wanted to be fair, and because I was already deeply frustrated by our earlier failures. I had trusted that the old unspoken pact would hold true, and my blood boiled when Miles tried to put all of us at risk in order to satisfy his hunger for personal power. In the end, The Adventurers of NorthWatch came through and made the right choice. But I do not, not will I ever, regret being willing to fight against those who would seek to profit from the death and pain of my companions.

    And yet it was made clear to me that my furious defense of our town was unwelcome. It was made clear that my rage at you for your mistake, and my rage at Miles for his manipulative & selfish profiteering, were unwanted. It was indeed made clear by some that they would prefer to let others scheme to profit off of their suffering and misfortune, rather than live in fear that I might come for blood if their selfish or thoughtless choices put our town at risk. Perhaps somewhere in there I made a third mistake, though if so I know not how to unmake it. So be it.

    Perhaps I should step away from NorthWatch for a time as well. Perhaps it is right that you and I both excuse ourselves from the conversation, at least for now, and let the rest of our companions determine the path forward.

    I hope while we are gone, that they do not wait idly by. I hope that they choose gather the Draconic Power that they will need to kill Vor’Shendu before he comes for them.

    Bannor of Harrowheim

    #86707
    Michael Dempsey
    Participant
    @talosavarici

    Northwatch

    You all are self-centered, selfish, arrogant fools. Do you not realize what this woman does for the town? She does not single handedly make decisions on her own throwing caution and other peoples voices to the wind. She exhausts herself trying to get participation from others until there is no other choice or no other time to decide. She has repeatedly worked behind the scenes to ensure various rituals or other things don’t go awry. The reason why the ritual with the runestones didn’t blow up the town and turn us into another falcon crater? Zyra. She researched and studied for months before the summoning ritual. She didn’t just research it casually either, her entire field of study was dedicated to making sure that ritual was successful and didn’t backfire in a way that would make all of us a smoking crater in the middle of Falconcrest. She burned herself and piles of gold just to ensure all our safety. She asked for nothing in return, she made no mention of her costs she just quietly took the losses to her wealth and wellbeing. She got no recognition, no thanks, no rewards, not even a “good job Zyra”.

    On a consistent basis she gives up pieces of herself to save others. The reason phoenix is still around is because on top of the life she gave to give a word to Wish, she gave a rune dust and more of her essence to keep the magic from being sucked away by amethyst golems. She hasn’t made any attempt to get anything back for this. In fact, she hasn’t even told Phoenix what was given to save her. She’s done this so that phoenix won’t feel bad.

    The woman is a saint who is too selfless and too self-sacrificing to step away from things that will cause her personal injury, harm, or otherwise be too costly because she is concerned that if she does someone will get hurt or the cost will end up being too high for others. Twisting fate to get runestones to rescue people who told us not to rescue them was an idiotic and stupid decision, but she supported those committed to it and helped them beyond the best of her ability and only took away losses to herself. Contrast this to others like my brother who told the town leadership and the other ritual casters the choice was stupid, and he wouldn’t support it. Valeron showed his non-support by not participating in anything to gather any runestones and finally, staying away for the weekend of the summoning ritual on principle no matter if you guys blew up the entire town or not.

    I haven’t even touched the fact that if it wasn’t for her no one in this godforsaken town would know what the hell was going on half the time. She is arguably the only source of reliable and consistent information on our goals accomplishments and things we have yet to do. She records and disseminates information with incredible attention to detail and could easily skew any of it to fit her own needs or goals, but she doesn’t. What’s more is that it wouldn’t even occur to her because literally all she wants is to gain magical knowledge and make sure her friends, town and world doesn’t blow up or any harm come to it while she learns things.

    She is the nicest nerd anyone will ever meet, and you guys are running her out of town by not only your continuous lack of appreciation for her, but then blaming her and implying that she’s at the heart of all the problems with how the town is run. The real problem is that getting any of you to listen to anything is like herding a bunch of feral cats, I don’t know why anybody actually tries to fucking organize anything in this town no matter how desperately it needs it. But that is the fundamental thing where Zyra is different. Other people see a need and usually run a quick cost-benefit analysis in their head to see whether they should put forth the time, effort, and money to fix the issue. She sees a need and an opportunity to learn and immediately interjects herself to help without even a thought of “how much is this going to cost me”. The thought doesn’t even cross her mind. Then the same cycle continues to happen of the help costing her more and more of herself and she gets continually more and more exhausted as she gets more and more of the blame for things going wrong or making decisions all by herself.

    I’m sorry Northwatch but the world can’t always be peachy and nice, and decisions can’t always be made by vote for several different reasons. I agree that all of us should have a voice in the fate of our town, but one must also seek to give their voice and make it heard. If someone doesn’t care enough to speak up when voices on decisions are being asked for then they obviously do not have an opinion nor care enough to make or influence that decision.

    Don’t lose an incredible ally and resource to the betterment and survival of Northwatch because of selfish short-sightedness, and abusive negligence.

    Talos Avarici

    #86709
    August4358
    Participant
    @augustina9571

    Northwatch,

    Bare with me as I have a lot to say. Though I know most probably wont listen, and im fine with that I deserve not to be listened to after the damage Ive caused.

    Have you noticed how much Zyra has done for everyone here? She’s risked her life more times then I can count, I know she has saved mine at least 10 times that I personally know of, and most the time its gone unnoticed. She does rolecall, town bag, and loot split alone basically every gather. Zyra is the least selfish person I know and puts the needs of others before her own. Yet how does she get repayed for doing her best to help keep us all alive and well? Threats to kill her because of 1 mistake. If thats the case then shouldn’t we all get the same threat because we’ve ALL made mistakes.

    Honestly if anything we’re all part of some kind of problem around Northwatch. I feel we’ve lost sight of what friendship means. What family means. What being there for each other means. We’re a town of adventures, we wont get along all the time but it shouldn’t mean we should threaten each other. Its shouldn’t mean we yell at each other until the others back down to get what we want.

    Zyra is a big part of Who and What Northwatch is. Yet she hasn’t gotten the recognition she deserves, because we take what she does for us for granted. Zyra in my personal opinion is the heart and soul of Northwatch some might disagree with me but thats how I see it. Zyra constantly works harder then anyone to make sure this town has what it needs to make sure all of us have what we need. She makes sure we know whats been going on in town if we miss something. She goes out of her way to make sure the now people in town are included even if others disagree and thank they should stay behind. We should be thanking her not pushing her away. We should be making her feel welcome and wanted, not unwelcomed and unwanted.

    We need to start coming together as a whole and not just bits and pieces of who we get along with and know the best.

    Phoenix Emerson

    #86711
    Alden
    Participant
    @slcniceguy

    You are missing Bannor’s point, and I understand it can be hard to hear it through all the yelling.

    If a decision is made by the will of a few but effects the whole town, that is an issue and it’s a frustration that imploded Wednesday evening.

    I like Zyra and do not wish her to leave, and I personally feel like her decision Wednesday was the straw that broke the camels back. Zyra has been the focal point of that implosion but is not the only cause of that frustration.

    If we could stop for a second and realize that the frustration is not only about Zyra then maybe we can actually work to fix the issue.

    Alden

    #86712
    behold…Me
    Participant
    @chevyboys

    Bannor.
    When I first came to Northwatch, I thought I had found a place of acceptance, care, and hope. I thought I had found people who I could help and who could help me. If you are Northwatch, I was clearly wrong. How you treat others in defending your point is frankly equally or more important than the points you are trying to make. I tried to express disagreement with you, and rather than a helpful discourse, you threatened not only my life, but the lives of at least two other people I respect a great deal. You claimed that you wanted us to have a choice in determining our lives, yet in the same sentence threatened to take away the lives you claim to be protecting.

    While I do wish I had been there for the choice that was made, I trust Zyra to make decisions for the town. She has shown she is trying to do good, and she often has more information than many of us do. I don’t always understand her choices, but I trust them. I would have voted with her if I had been there. In addition, Zyra tried to include other people. It is hardly her fault that most of Northwatch ignored her, and frankly, getting excluded from a decision by ignoring your peers is a natural consequence. From my time here, it seems that for the most part, excepting teleportation and ritual circles, those who pay attention, and want to be involved can be. The fact that you weren’t paying attention is your fault Bannor. You taking out your rage and inattention to Zyra is abhorrent, disgusting, and reprehensible. I would excuse your outbursts a result of incorrectly applied loyalty and perhaps personal concern and stress, except the way you seem to treat members of Northwatch clearly dispels that. To assume you have concern for our wellbeing would be the height of stupidity, and a floccinaucinihilipilification of your great efforts this week to prove otherwise. I would challenge you to prove me wrong by apologizing sincerely to Northwatch, rather than putting up a bunch of insults to its members and calling it an apology, but you’ve already started driving off the people you should be apologizing to, so I guess that ship has already sailed.

    Zyra did nothing wrong. Her intentions were good, and the town should be giving her a thank you. If you aren’t man enough to get over your own pride and admit that, and not just tell them you are sorry, but also make things right with Zyra, with Miles, and with all the others you threatened and hurt, then you aren’t worthy of Northwatch. If instead you wish to settle things with a pathetic rage, threats, and insults, and violence, name a time and place. Killing a new adventurer certainly wouldn’t prove you care about northwatch, but maybe it will shut those of us who disagree with you up and satisfy your pride and ego.

    With all this being said, I will still try to help you get enough draconic power to save Northwatch. I will work with you and fight with you to keep Northwatch safe. But once that is done, as far as I am concerned, you can go take on that apprenticeship you were screaming and swearing about.


    Zyra, if you see this, I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you better this week. You welcomed me into watch better than almost any other person here, answered my questions, and earned my trust. You have taught me so much, and done so much for the town, and when you needed someone to stand with you, I wasn’t there. Some day I will repay that debt. If you need your space, I get that, but I hope we will see you again soon. After all, who else is going to keep throwing identifies at me to make me jump :). Please keep in contact, if only to let us know you are okay. If someone doesn’t hear from you in the next month, I will probably assume some dragon-vampire-lich-demon or something has attacked you and that you are in need of rescue.

    Ghost

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Steve. Reason: All IG posts must be signed by character - added character name
    #86997
    Valerie
    Participant
    @valerieak1

    Zyra,
    I am sorry to hear you are leaving us even for a short time. I wish to echo Ghost’s apology for not standing up for you more that night. I did try to talk to Bannor twice, but he is very loud and when he gets rolling on a topic he talks over anyone who tries to say anything. Perhaps it is a bad habit, but my attention frequently wanders from what he is saying after the first few moments and I never try to participate in the conversation as I am just not a forceful person.
    I tried to tell him that it was not just 6 people who made the decision. I heard you yell for everyone’s attention and I heard you say the letter had been examined and found to not possess any magical properties. I saw no reason not to open it and said so to the people standing near me, they all nodded in agreement although no official vote was taken. I did not hear a single objection.
    I admit I did not have background information on the letter, but from what little information I was able to gather during Bannor’s demands for punishment, I would certainly have felt it wise to open it and gather what information we could.
    Other than a few people saying that perhaps you should have waited to open it since you were asked to, I heard no one else supporting any part of Bannor’s tirade so I hope you do not think all of us were agreeing with him.
    We are a town of adventurers and many in our midst, including myself, often know little of the bigger picture, and frequently when there is a major issue the story must be told over and over as people do not listen or do not care until pushed hard for their opinion. I value the people who handle the research side of things and can advise all of us on what decision would be best for Northwatch. Thank you for being one of them.
    We all have different interests. My concern is trying to prevent any in our town from dying and helping our newer healers learn the skills they need to help me accomplish that goal. Others may enjoy the thrill of battle, want to gather wealth, support the king or their guild or just learn new skills. Not everyone is willing to study, research and quest for answers to the many problems Northwatch encounters.
    There may be some who would like to vote on every issue that comes up, but honestly to me that is not practical sometimes we need to act quickly and other times we may know nothing of the situation and end up voting on the side of our friends or just the person who sounds the most sane when they present their opinion, which may not be the way that would be most beneficial to all. I have no issues with letting those with more knowledge than I and are willing to step up, take the lead in making decisions for the town. It is great to be asked and included, but I don’t think every decision should be or can be put to a vote of the whole town.
    Respectfully,
    Wakeful

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